I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
