i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
