some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
