so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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