Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
