you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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