i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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