I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
