You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
