Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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