I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
