I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
