So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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