Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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