someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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