so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
