Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
