I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
