I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think people are normalizing furries
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
