Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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