Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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