So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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