I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
