As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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