my soul wont recognize me after tonight
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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