just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
