it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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