At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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