Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
