Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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