my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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