just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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