as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
