I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
