It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
