he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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