gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
