so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
