My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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