The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
