this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
