I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
