Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
