You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
