Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
