im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
