The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
