i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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