Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
