i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
