I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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