Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
