We won't sleep together?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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