he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
