i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Randomize
