That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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