I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
