I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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