I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
