Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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