just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
