neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
