So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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