i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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